The Emperor Soft Wares No PIN
Editor's Note: This morning, I received an anonymous comment to the post entitled "Where's the PIN Offset...My Pet PVV.
I found it to be clever, witty and comedic.
Because the individual obviously took some time to craft it, I decidedto share it by publishing it as a post. It doesn't take a genius tofigure out the analogies here, but it's all been crafted in purefun...albeit, some may consider it to be a "third-rate" attempt atcomedy.
All apologies to Hans Christian Anderson!
MANY,many breaches ago lived a wealthy emperor, who thought so much ofshopping that he spent all his money in order to obtain clothes; hisonly ambition was to be always well dressed. He did not care for hissoldiers, and the theater did not amuse him; the only thing, in fact,he thought anything of was to drive out and show a new suit of clothes.He had a coat for every hour of the day; and as one would say of a king"He is in his cabinet," so one could say of him, "The emperor is in hisdressing-room." The emperor always prided himself on paying with cashand he guarded the PIN to his ATM card vigorously.
The great Georgia city where he resided was very gay; every day manystrangers from all parts of the globe arrived. One day two swindlers (Editor'sNote: he/she apparently wanted to stay as close to the original storyas possible, so anyone in Georgia, please don't be offended by the"gay" term. It meant bright/happy as in "Don we now our GayApparel...fa la la...fa..la..la, fa la lol) came to this citycalled Duluth; they made people believe that they were weavers, anddeclared they could manufacture the finest cloth to be imagined. Theircolors and patterns, they said, were not only exceptionally beautiful,but the clothes made of their material possessed the wonderful qualityof being invisible to any man who was unfit for his office orunpardonably stupid. In addition, they told the emperor they couldaccept payments on the Internet with his PIN ATM card!
"That must be wonderful cloth," thought the emperor. "If I were to bedressed in a suit made of this cloth I should be able to find out whichmen in my empire were unfit for their places, and I could distinguishthe clever from the stupid. I must have this cloth woven for me withoutdelay." And he promised a large sum of money to the swindlers, inadvance, that they should set to work without any loss of time. Heagreed to pay with his ATM PIN card on their website.
Theyset up two looms, and pretended to be very hard at work, but they didnothing whatever on the looms. They asked for the finest silk and themost precious gold-cloth; all they got they did away with, and workedat the empty looms till late at night. They also created a website sothat the emperor could easily use his PIN ATM card to pay for thepurchases he so coveted.
"I should very much like to know how they are getting on with the clothand the website," thought the emperor. But he felt rather uneasy whenhe remembered that he who was not fit for his office could not see it.Personally, he was of opinion that he had nothing to fear, yet hethought it advisable to send somebody else first to see how mattersstood. Everybody in the town knew what a remarkable quality the stuffpossessed, and all were anxious to see how bad or stupid theirneighbors were.
"I shall send my honest old minister to the weavers," thought theemperor. "He can judge best how the stuff looks, for he is intelligent,and nobody understands his office better than he. Also, he is anaccredited third party who can judge the security of this new PINwebsite."
The good old minister went into the room where the swindlers sat beforethe empty looms. "Heaven preserve us!" he thought, and opened his eyeswide, "I cannot see anything at all," but he did not say so. Bothswindlers requested him to come near, and asked him if he did notadmire the exquisite pattern and the beautiful colors, pointing to theempty looms. The poor old minister tried his very best, but he couldsee nothing, for there was nothing to be seen. "Oh dear," he thought,"can I be so stupid? I should never have thought so, and nobody mustknow it! Is it possible that I am not fit for my office? No, no, Icannot say that I was unable to see the cloth. Nor could he see how theemperor would enter his PIN safely into this invisible website!"
"I should very much like to know how they are getting on with the clothand the website," thought the emperor. But he felt rather uneasy whenhe remembered that he who was not fit for his office could not see it.Personally, he was of opinion that he had nothing to fear, yet hethought it advisable to send somebody else first to see how mattersstood. Everybody in the town knew what a remarkable quality the stuffpossessed, and all were anxious to see how bad or stupid theirneighbors were.
"I shall send my honest old minister to the weavers," thought theemperor. "He can judge best how the stuff looks, for he is intelligent,and nobody understands his office better than he. Also, he is anaccredited third party who can judge the security of this new PINwebsite."
The good old minister went into the room where the swindlers sat beforethe empty looms. "Heaven preserve us!" he thought, and opened his eyeswide, "I cannot see anything at all," but he did not say so. Bothswindlers requested him to come near, and asked him if he did notadmire the exquisite pattern and the beautiful colors, pointing to theempty looms. The poor old minister tried his very best, but he couldsee nothing, for there was nothing to be seen. "Oh dear," he thought,"can I be so stupid? I should never have thought so, and nobody mustknow it! Is it possible that I am not fit for my office? No, no, Icannot say that I was unable to see the cloth. Nor could he see how theemperor would enter his PIN safely into this invisible website!"
"Now,have you got nothing to say?" said one of the swindlers, while hepretended to be busily weaving and pretending to build the payment page.
"Oh, it is very pretty, exceedingly beautiful," replied the oldminister looking through his glasses. "What a beautiful pattern, whatbrilliant colors! I shall tell the emperor that I like the cloth verymuch and that the PIN entry website is very safe."
"We are pleased to hear that," said the two weavers, and described tohim the colors and explained the curious GUI floating PIN pad pattern.The old minister listened attentively, that he might relate to theemperor what they said; and so he did.
Now the swindlers demanded more money, silk and gold-cloth, which theyrequired for weaving. They kept everything to themselves, and not athread came near the loom, and not a real transaction went through thefake website but they continued, as hitherto, to work at the emptylooms and blank website.
Soon afterwards the emperor sent another honest courtier to the weaversto see how they were getting on, and if the cloth was nearly finished.Like the old minister, he looked and looked but could see nothing, asthere was nothing to be seen. Neither could he see or use themysterious floating PIN pad.
"Is it not a beautiful piece of cloth and don't you love the website?"asked the two swindlers, showing and explaining the magnificent GUIpattern, which, however, did not exist.
"I am not stupid," said the man. "It is therefore my good appointmentfor which I am not fit. It is very strange, but I must not let any oneknow it;" and he praised the cloth and the website, which he did notsee, and expressed his joy at the beautiful colors and the finepattern. "They are very excellent," he said to the emperor.
Everybody in the whole town talked about the precious cloth and magicPIN website. At last the emperor wished to see it himself, while it wasstill on the loom and the PC. With a number of courtiers, including thetwo who had already been there, he went to the two clever swindlers,who now worked as hard as they could, but without using any thread orHTML.
"Is it not magnificent?" said the two old statesmen who had been therebefore. "Your Majesty must admire the colors and the GUI pattern." Andthen they pointed to the empty looms and the blank screen, for theyimagined the others could see the cloth and the magic GUI PIN pad.
"What is this?" thought the emperor, "I do not see anything at all.That is terrible! Am I stupid? Am I unfit to be emperor? That wouldindeed be the most dreadful thing that could happen to me."
"Really," he said, turning to the weavers, "your cloth and website haveour most gracious approval;" and nodding contentedly he looked at theempty loom and blank screen, for he did not like to say that he sawnothing. All his attendants, who were with him, looked and looked, andalthough they could not see anything more than the others, they said,like the emperor, "They are very beautiful." And all advised him towear the new magnificent clothes at a great procession which was soonto take place and to pay online with his PIN ATM card. "They aremagnificent, beautiful, excellent," one heard them say; everybodyseemed to be delighted, and the emperor appointed the two swindlers"Imperial Court weavers and webmasters."
"Oh, it is very pretty, exceedingly beautiful," replied the oldminister looking through his glasses. "What a beautiful pattern, whatbrilliant colors! I shall tell the emperor that I like the cloth verymuch and that the PIN entry website is very safe."
"We are pleased to hear that," said the two weavers, and described tohim the colors and explained the curious GUI floating PIN pad pattern.The old minister listened attentively, that he might relate to theemperor what they said; and so he did.
Now the swindlers demanded more money, silk and gold-cloth, which theyrequired for weaving. They kept everything to themselves, and not athread came near the loom, and not a real transaction went through thefake website but they continued, as hitherto, to work at the emptylooms and blank website.
Soon afterwards the emperor sent another honest courtier to the weaversto see how they were getting on, and if the cloth was nearly finished.Like the old minister, he looked and looked but could see nothing, asthere was nothing to be seen. Neither could he see or use themysterious floating PIN pad.
"Is it not a beautiful piece of cloth and don't you love the website?"asked the two swindlers, showing and explaining the magnificent GUIpattern, which, however, did not exist.
"I am not stupid," said the man. "It is therefore my good appointmentfor which I am not fit. It is very strange, but I must not let any oneknow it;" and he praised the cloth and the website, which he did notsee, and expressed his joy at the beautiful colors and the finepattern. "They are very excellent," he said to the emperor.
Everybody in the whole town talked about the precious cloth and magicPIN website. At last the emperor wished to see it himself, while it wasstill on the loom and the PC. With a number of courtiers, including thetwo who had already been there, he went to the two clever swindlers,who now worked as hard as they could, but without using any thread orHTML.
"Is it not magnificent?" said the two old statesmen who had been therebefore. "Your Majesty must admire the colors and the GUI pattern." Andthen they pointed to the empty looms and the blank screen, for theyimagined the others could see the cloth and the magic GUI PIN pad.
"What is this?" thought the emperor, "I do not see anything at all.That is terrible! Am I stupid? Am I unfit to be emperor? That wouldindeed be the most dreadful thing that could happen to me."
"Really," he said, turning to the weavers, "your cloth and website haveour most gracious approval;" and nodding contentedly he looked at theempty loom and blank screen, for he did not like to say that he sawnothing. All his attendants, who were with him, looked and looked, andalthough they could not see anything more than the others, they said,like the emperor, "They are very beautiful." And all advised him towear the new magnificent clothes at a great procession which was soonto take place and to pay online with his PIN ATM card. "They aremagnificent, beautiful, excellent," one heard them say; everybodyseemed to be delighted, and the emperor appointed the two swindlers"Imperial Court weavers and webmasters."
The whole night previous to the day on which the procession was to takeplace, the swindlers pretended to work, and burned more than sixteencandles while capturing PINs with the floating GUI PIN pad. Peopleshould see that they were busy to finish the emperor's new suit. Theypretended to take the cloth from the loom, and worked about in the airwith big scissors, and sewed with needles without thread, and said atlast: "The emperor's new suit is ready now. Let us pay for it with hisATM card and PIN!"
The emperor and all his barons then came to the hall; the swindlersheld their arms up as if they held something in their hands and said:"These are the trousers!" "This is the coat!" and "Here is the cloak!"and so on. "They are all as light as a cobweb, and one must feel as ifone had nothing at all upon the body; but that is just the beauty ofthem and the fact that you can pay for the clothes with just your PINATM card and our magic GUI floating mouse-clickable PIN pad makes thisall the better."
"Indeed!" said all the courtiers; but they could not see anything, for there was nothing to be seen.
The emperor and all his barons then came to the hall; the swindlersheld their arms up as if they held something in their hands and said:"These are the trousers!" "This is the coat!" and "Here is the cloak!"and so on. "They are all as light as a cobweb, and one must feel as ifone had nothing at all upon the body; but that is just the beauty ofthem and the fact that you can pay for the clothes with just your PINATM card and our magic GUI floating mouse-clickable PIN pad makes thisall the better."
"Indeed!" said all the courtiers; but they could not see anything, for there was nothing to be seen.
"Doesit please your Majesty now to graciously undress," said the swindlers,"that we may assist your Majesty in putting on the new suit before thelarge looking-glass and before collecting your money?"
The emperor undressed, and the swindlers pretended to put the new suitupon him, one piece after another; and the emperor looked at himself inthe glass from every side.
"How well they look! How well they fit!" said all. "What a beautifulpattern! What fine colors! That is a magnificent suit of clothes!"
The master of the ceremonies announced that the bearers of the canopy, which was to be carried in the procession, were ready.
"I am ready to pay," said the emperor. "Does not my suit fit memarvelously?" Then he turned once more to the looking-glass, thatpeople should think he admired his garments.
The chamberlains, who were to carry the train, stretched their hands tothe ground as if they lifted up a train, and pretended to holdsomething in their hands; they did not like people to know that theycould not see anything.
The emperor undressed, and the swindlers pretended to put the new suitupon him, one piece after another; and the emperor looked at himself inthe glass from every side.
"How well they look! How well they fit!" said all. "What a beautifulpattern! What fine colors! That is a magnificent suit of clothes!"
The master of the ceremonies announced that the bearers of the canopy, which was to be carried in the procession, were ready.
"I am ready to pay," said the emperor. "Does not my suit fit memarvelously?" Then he turned once more to the looking-glass, thatpeople should think he admired his garments.
The chamberlains, who were to carry the train, stretched their hands tothe ground as if they lifted up a train, and pretended to holdsomething in their hands; they did not like people to know that theycould not see anything.
The emperormarched in the procession under the beautiful canopy, and all who sawhim in the street and out of the windows exclaimed: "Indeed, theemperor's new suit is incomparable! What a long train he has! How wellit fits him!" Nobody wished to let others know he saw nothing, for thenhe would have been unfit for his office or too stupid. Never emperor'sclothes were more admired.
"Buthe has nothing on at all," said a third grade child at last. "Goodheavens! listen to the voice of an innocent third-rate child," said the father,as one whispered to the other what the child had said. "But he hasnothing on at all," cried at last the whole people.
That made a deep impression upon the emperor, for it seemed to him thatthey were right; but he thought to himself, "Now I must bear up to theend." And the chamberlains walked with still greater dignity, as ifthey carried the train which did not exist. The swindlers were joyousfor not only had they stolen the emperor's dignity, they had alsostolen his precious PIN.
THE END (of the ATM ecosystem)
That made a deep impression upon the emperor, for it seemed to him thatthey were right; but he thought to himself, "Now I must bear up to theend." And the chamberlains walked with still greater dignity, as ifthey carried the train which did not exist. The swindlers were joyousfor not only had they stolen the emperor's dignity, they had alsostolen his precious PIN.
THE END (of the ATM ecosystem)
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